Honestly? I don't know. All the places I've been, while a very extensive list, did not include Oregon before my trip there this month. Yet I've felt pulled there for years...a random longing deep down in my soul that I could neither understand nor explain. I've several friends that live along the Oregon coast, and a couple of times over the years I've undertaken the planning to go, but things happened in my life to make me delay. Things like taking care of my daddy when he was sick, being here for my brother when his life turned upside down with the death of our baby Christian, and most recently helping out with my Nana after my grandaddy's passing. Needs. Things that mattered more than my desire to go across country to figure out how a faraway place related to my dreams.
My trip was made possible this month because of a very dear friend and beautiful soul. That's part of the story I am not ready to share yet, so I'll begin with that first morning on a rocky beach in Yachats I spent just breathing...and praying.
I sat on one of those rocks and had a long conversation with God. I can't recall a time I was ever more open to hearing him, more willing to sincerely accept his answers to my questions. I knew in my heart I was exactly where I wanted to be even though I still didn't understand the why of it. Was I supposed to be there? I asked for a reason, something to explain my need to be there. What I got was the purest feeling of peace in my heart...beyond any words I possess, beyond even my own ability to process. There was a giant rainbow falling into the water~ so crisp you could see the distinction of every color fading into the next~ from the brightest yellow to the deepest purple. That rainbow hugged me. There's no other way to describe it. I'm not sure at what point I began crying, but as I looked up into the clouds to thank God for such a beautiful gift there was an eye in they sky. As crisp and defined as the rainbow, and as I stared into it it moved across the sky without changing...looking back at me, seeing into me. Assuring, affirming, answering and amazing me.
I felt a dialogue open up between God and I more lucidly than I could have ever thought possible. I felt him sitting on the rock beside me, imagined I could hear the words he was speaking to my heart. And I cried from overwhelming gratitude and love. I don't really know how long I sat there, but when the tears subsided I cracked a joke saying "The only way this could be better is if it snowed right now." It was at that exact moment that a breeze blew at me, kicking up the protein foam that builds up on the coast from behind some rocks...blowing it all over me, all around me.
And I laughed. The innocent joyful laugh of a child.
I knew I was home.
I have a long road ahead of me. So much to get done. It is overwhelming and terrifying to undertake such a massive move into the unknown alone.
Yet my cup? It runneth over.
I couldn't do this without the love and support of my family and friends. Thank you guys, so very much, for being part of my life journey.
We're going places, baby!
~~
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